What is Love? That’s a good question, with probably as many answers as there are people on the planet. I pondered this as I took an early morning walk on the spectacular limestone desert trail not far from my house.
A memory flashed in my mind of when a boyfriend once said to me (referring to his deceased girlfriend, “Katie”), “You will not surpass Katie until you and I have had more time and experiences together.”
My green eyes flashed with anger, “Surpass Katie? I don’t want to surpass Katie! This isn’t a competition. I didn’t realize I had to accumulate frequent flier points in order for you to love me.” Grrr. “Your love for her and time with her was special. I don’t expect you to un-love her. What you and I have together is different and special in itself. I’m not a replacement for her…I’m me!”
Each moment of love is so perfect and so unique in and of itself. Love is not a competition. It’s not something to be weighed and measured. Love just is. It’s what gives life purpose and meaning.
As I walked and pondered Love, I thought about the many people I have loved (including total strangers, when a smile in passing felt like a hug). And, I even thought about the things that I have loved, like certain pieces of furniture, favorite outfits, cars, the smell of cinnamon toast in the morning while watching beloved cartoons when I was a little girl. So many things I have truly loved and that continue to evoke beautiful loving memories.
My thoughts then turned to 2009. I was on a beautiful early morning walk in Sedona, Arizona when the fluff ball appeared. It stood three inches tall and mighty on a red rock by the road. As I slowly inched my way towards it, our eyes locked until I was towering directly over it: a teeny, very fluffy black and white abandoned kitten. His eyes grew big as he searched his soul for what to do in this fight or flight moment. He stood his ground and with all of the courage and breath he could muster, he hissed the tiniest hiss. When his hiss didn’t scare me away, I could see confusion and fear in his beautiful green eyes.
“Hey buddy, it’s okay,” I said as I reached down and gently scooped him into my hand. I was fully aware that he still had tiny, razor sharp kitten claws in his arsenal that he could use to shred his way to freedom. Instead, he gratefully nestled into the warmth of my neck, curled up, and purred.
I named him Sir Francis Bacon, which subsequently turned into the nickname, Franny, which better suited his gentle soul.
He didn’t like being held after that first snuggle in the nape of my neck. He preferred to circle me and then sit quiet and tight by my side in what I came to know was a protective posture. He never clawed me even once in his 14 years of life, but that 17 pound beautiful Maine Coon would have used those massive claws to protect me with every ounce of his strength if necessary.
What is Love? As I continued my walk and ponder, I realized that, to me, it’s not just one thing, it’s a lot of things, and I learn more about what Love is every single day.
But, on November 11, 2023, when it was time for Franny to leave the earth, I discovered where love resides, absolutely.
On that day, Franny let me pick him up and hold him in my arms against my chest. Within a few moments, his mouth opened wide in an audible yawn, he closed his eyes, his soul left his body, and I felt it tangibly as he went straight into my heart where he now resides forever.
