I knew Daddy was dying, and I could see the childlike fear in his eyes as he grappled with what was physically happening in that moment. His body was shaking uncontrollably, and he was terribly cold. I made him a cup of tea, covered him with a blanket, kissed his forehead, and consoled him as best I could before I went into the other room to call the hospice nurse. My friend, Liz, had visited the night before for our monthly girls’ night and was just about to leave. I fell into her arms and cried. She instinctively knew that this was the beginning of the end.
“Do you want me to stay?” she asked.
“No. I’ll be okay,” I said stoically, pulling myself together.
I called the hospice nurse, then returned to the living room, only to find that Daddy wasn’t in the room.
“Daddy? Daddy? Where are you?” I cried out frantically.
“I’m in my office,” he shouted, sounding strong and composed, “I’m playing chess!” He also sounded annoyed that I had interrupted his concentration.
I poked my head into his office and saw that he was playing chess live online, which he did often, with other chess enthusiasts around the world. His many chess trophies were on a shelf above his desk. He loved chess so much. This moment turned out to be his last lucid rally in life before he required morphine and around the clock care as I midwifed him to the other side four days later.
A month later, I was scrolling through his personal emails to make sure I had notified all of his friends of his passing, when I saw an email from Chess.com congratulating him on winning that final chess match at 91 years old, which ranked him as one of the top 10 players (number 1, as I recall) in his age group in the world!
“You did it, Daddy,” I said, smiling proudly. I could feel him smiling, too.
Three years later, as this memory bubbled to the surface, I was folding back the blankets and getting ready for bed. I was feeling very tired after a day of being bombarded by the contentious energies of the earth. (Sometimes it sucks to be an empath.) Feeling downhearted and drained of prayers, I wondered whether we humans would ever learn to get along, truly love each other, help and assist each other, and realize that we are all one family, all in this together. The power plays of people wanting to prove that they are the biggest victim on earth was exhausting me. The greed and selfishness of people was insufferable. “God, I wonder if we’ll ever grow up and understand and embrace your message of love.” That’s when the memory of my Daddy winning his chess match bubbled up. I smiled at the sudden memory. “You sure loved chess, Daddy,” I said to him aloud.
To my delight, I heard him reply, “I found it fascinating, because life is a chess game!”
Not being much of a chess player myself, I didn’t quite understand. “What do you mean?”
“Well, you think all of the kings and queens of your world have power.”
He showed me that he was referring to “kings and queens” in a metaphorical sense, i.e. anyone who tries to wield power over another.
“You think you are dependent upon them for help,” he continued, “But they are actually dependent upon you. The King and Queen in a chess match can’t do much in the beginning. They are wholly dependent upon the moves the other pieces make, especially the pawns. The pawns have the greatest collective coverage and movement about the board. And, they have power. They can take out the opponent’s Queen! They can checkmate the opponent’s King!
“When their own pawns and others are gone the King and Queen are exposed and vulnerable. As in life, the power is truly with the masses. If only people could understand this and stop giving their power away. You are one of those pawns, Summer. You have the power to create change in the world. Don’t ever give your power away, and don’t ever give up. Stay united in love.”
I turned off the light, and crawled into bed, feeling safe and warm, just like I felt when my Daddy tucked me into bed when I was five years old and afraid during the Vietnam War.
A sense of peace and love blanketed me. I sighed deeply, feeling stronger and ready to rally for love again in the morning and play like a pawn.
