The overthinking about life was getting to me, After decades of always trying to do the “right” thing, and make things “happen,” I began going down the rabbit hole of regret, wishing I’d done things differently, and wondering if life was just an exercise in futility. All the problems of the past were percolating and haunting me. The “I wish I woulda, coulda, shoulda’s” flooded my thoughts.
The great Philosopher, Alan Watts’ quote that I framed and had in my living room mocked my despair: “The meaning of life is just to be alive.”
“Just?” It was that simple? I desperately wanted to embrace the truth of those words in my soul. I wanted to embody a life that was lived “just to be alive.”
But, the problem was how to erase the problems of my past. I cried my tears of remorse, and prayed hard for answers.
Out of the blue, I picked up the phone and dialed a number that I hadn’t dialed in 35 years. There was no thought behind it; just a desire to connect with my old friend, Damon, whom I’d met in 1977. I had no idea how or why we became estranged from each other for so many years. We went together to hear Dr. Peebles talk through Thomas Jacobson in the late 80s. We talked for hours about all things spiritual. He spent holidays with me and my family. He patiently explained to me, when I, in my innocence, learned that Archangel Michael was one of my spirit guides, that Michael was not a fallen angel, but a magnificent and loving being. (I’d never heard of an Archangel before, and having come out of years of Christian guilt and shame, I’d immediately assumed the worst case scenario.) A prolific and profoundly beautiful lyricist, Damon wrote songs with my brother, and lyrics for many others. He was like family to me. Then, after 10 years of loyal friendship, decades went by with no contact whatsoever.
Three ringie-dingies later, and he picked up the phone. I heard the reluctance in his voice when he said “hello,” wondering if this was a spam call, or legitimate. I recognized his beautiful, deep, sultry voice instantly.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Damon, it’s Summer Bacon.”
“Summer,” I heard him sigh, “How are you?”
“I’m pretty good. How are you?”
“I’m doing okay.”
Without missing a beat, we were off to the races. There was no awkwardness as we chatted about the past, shared synopses of our in-between history, and pieced together the puzzle of our estrangement. We soon discovered that neither time nor space had destroyed our deep friendship and love for each other.
Only one thing had changed. We’d both grown up a bit….or, maybe a lot. We’d lost our self consciousness, and most of our guardedness. We’d become solid in our spiritual awareness. We’d become more accepting and loving of others (including each other). But, we hadn’t lost our sense of humor and our intense interest in exploring the depths and breadths of life and the universe.
Many fun, healing and inspiring conversations ensued after that first phone call.
And then one day I said to him, feeling rather melancholy, “I don’t understand why we had to miss all of those years of friendship.”
“Oh, Summy, we both had growing up to do. We had to go our separate ways in order to do the work we needed to do, to learn whatever lessons we needed to learn on this school called planet earth. We’ve both have had our intense challenges, and we needed to do the work separately until we could come back together.”
And then, he said something that hit the bullseye of my heart:
“I had so many problems, until I realized that I had no problems.”
My eyes grew wide, and I grabbed a pen and paper to write those words down. He had just summarized life’s journey with thirteen perfectly spoken words.
I could finally embrace the Alan Watts quote. The meaning of life is just to be alive. Everything adds up to this moment here and now. Just be.
No problem.
