I had just awakened from a beautiful catnap and stumbled to my computer to check my emails. Subject: Pain for Gain. It was an article written by Richard Berry of The Cosmic Onion News.
Hmm…interesting timing. I had been consciously facing the fact that the pain that I carried in my shoulder still refused to go away despite years of effort with healers, hours of exercise, stretching, sunlight, grounding, supplements, prayer and more. I came to realize that I had ironically shouldered an enormous amount of responsibility in trying to heal my shoulder pain, and I was tired of it.
Before my catnap, I winced in pain as I laid down on my bed. I took a deep breath and decided in that moment to give up trying so hard. I felt a sense of peace come over me, and I said to God, “You know that I want the pain to go away. I’ve done everything I know to make it happen, but now I hand it over to you. If it goes, it goes. If it doesn’t go, then there’s a reason it is here, and I’ll accept that.” I drifted into a deep, beautiful sleep and woke up with a smile on my face after a lovely dream in which my friend, Ricky, was reading from a book: “I look out the window at the awe, wonder and natural beauty of Sedona…” I felt happy.
I opened the email and read Pain for Gain, and every word spoke to my heart as if I had truly been heard by God. Berry wrote about God’s (Source’s) alchemy. “So, why does God allow horror (pain)? Because in a field of freedom, nothing is wasted. Pain is transmuted into compassion. Horror is transmuted into strength. Injustice is transmuted into memory.”
And there I found my answer as to why I’ve had to endure so many years of pain. I have been a spiritual teacher for 31 years, and often the fires that I have been through (abuse, chronic pain, verbal attacks) have been fodder for my teachings about how to free one’s self from the illusions of separation on this school called Planet Earth. How could I possibly teach about something that I have never experienced? I could either play the role of the victim, or transmute my experiences into compassion, strength, and teachings that might help others navigate similar circumstances.
Berry’s words were the soothing balm that I needed for my soul (and my shoulder). I sat in silent review of my life as a mystic, and reveled in the idea of God’s alchemy, and how pain has been a reminder that I am not the body, I am a spirit in a body, and this is a temporary journey. And, it continues to remind me to look for the good, to trust in God, and to focus on the healed parts of myself and operate from there.
I am comforted by the knowledge that the contrasts (the light and dark, pain and joy, love and hate) are necessary to know these things and more.
And, as I sit here writing this article I can feel my shoulder relaxing. I don’t have to work so hard anymore. There’s nothing left to heal. I surrender.
Ouch! That feels good!
