Squirrel Logic

Feb 14, 2023

Before I went into trance today, a resident squirrel stared hard at me through the window. He practically had his nose pressed against the window. 

A little wisp of squirrel breath turned to cold steam in the bitterly cold damp air. His left paw went over his heart, and I knew he wanted me to drop everything and get peanuts for him. Instead, I dropped into trance. When I came out of trance, he wasn’t there. Until I went into the kitchen. And, there he was, at the kitchen window staring at me, left paw over his heart, trying to guilt trip me into a handful of peanuts. I laughed, as he is probably the most robust, plump, well-fed squirrel on the planet. Until recently, I hadn’t seen him in months. Probably more than six months.

But, yesterday I went to the store and had this sudden urge to buy a bag of the store brand unsalted unshelled peanuts. They are deep roasted to perfection, and delicious. 

I no sooner got into the house, peanut bag in hand, when this squirrel (whom I have named Peanut) pranced around on the patio wall, trying to get my attention. Then he stopped and squared off with me, left paw over his heart, and he stared me down hard. I couldn’t believe it. How in the heck did he know I had bought peanuts?

I obediently grabbed a handful of peanuts and went out onto the patio. He let me get within about 2.5 feet of him, as I placed the peanuts along the wall. He shoved them into his mouth as quickly as possible, but could only fit two at a time, as his chubby cheeks didn’t leave much room for more. He scooted off to his nest, and returned shortly thereafter for more, until all of the peanuts that I put out for him were gone.

When I mentioned this to my friend, Liz, wondering how the squirrel knew I had peanuts, she said that Peanut had probably picked up on my thoughts when I was buying the peanuts. But, after some pondering, I have to wonder whether Peanut actually telepathically manipulated me into buying them. I mean, I haven’t bought them in months! I haven’t seen Peanut in months! What were the chances of walking into the house with a bag of peanuts, only to have Peanut stalking me for them, unless he telepathically manipulated me into buying them?

I honestly have no answer to this question, but it’s awfully fun to ponder.